I fell last night... in my sons room-- falling over huge moving toys, tangled up in tents, and knocking myself out it seems. Not sure where in the hell the stroller on my head came from.
Went to dr this morning and was ordered an ankle xray. Waiting on results.
Out of work for a few days.
DOWN I went... and went... and GONE!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
CaTCHing UP
Its been a while since blogging. Not much has been going on. Lois and I have merged household and have about 75% of the work done. She turns her keys in on the 7th and still a few things to be done. The merge was scary at first, but we have settled into it quite nicely. Its amazing how a forced move can strengthen a relationship.
I found a new home for Bailey and Fuzzy and thought everything was ok until today. Unfortunately, I feel the lady is taking them to the shelter. I have moved on emotionally and cant worry about what isnt mine anymore. Some may think that is heartless, but oh well. Not their issue to be concerned with.
I have been extra tired with the move. Tired in general it seems.
I found a new home for Bailey and Fuzzy and thought everything was ok until today. Unfortunately, I feel the lady is taking them to the shelter. I have moved on emotionally and cant worry about what isnt mine anymore. Some may think that is heartless, but oh well. Not their issue to be concerned with.
I have been extra tired with the move. Tired in general it seems.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
What a day!
So, lets just say a good part of today was spent nervous, followed by anxiety, followed by shock, followed by tears, ending in depression. I got a pay cut today. A $5K pay cut. Yes, some say having a job is better than no job, and I agree. Its just that I have 3 little ones to consider. I think I would feel different if it was just me...
I will adjust. Lois's paycut cost her about $2-3K a year. We did our research about moving and merging sooner than later and we complete that task 30 days from today. I have all these fears, and I know they are just insecurities or notions in my head. Of all the children, I worry about our teenager the most. She seems ok though. We will try to stick it out in my house until Fall 2010, and then move into a house then. Not sure if we will be able to buy a house by then, but at least I can catch up on some bills, decrease our debts, focus on the wedding, and learn to play nice all the time in my house. I have to get used to saying OUR house instead of my house.
Damn glad I see the psychiatrist tomorrow.
Im just in shock I do believe... and to top the day off, I got written up at work. Oh well. One crummy day all around. It could have been much worst.
We will survive... just have to endure some pain in the process.
I will adjust. Lois's paycut cost her about $2-3K a year. We did our research about moving and merging sooner than later and we complete that task 30 days from today. I have all these fears, and I know they are just insecurities or notions in my head. Of all the children, I worry about our teenager the most. She seems ok though. We will try to stick it out in my house until Fall 2010, and then move into a house then. Not sure if we will be able to buy a house by then, but at least I can catch up on some bills, decrease our debts, focus on the wedding, and learn to play nice all the time in my house. I have to get used to saying OUR house instead of my house.
Damn glad I see the psychiatrist tomorrow.
Im just in shock I do believe... and to top the day off, I got written up at work. Oh well. One crummy day all around. It could have been much worst.
We will survive... just have to endure some pain in the process.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Constant worrying!
I worry about work. The big meeting is Wednesday. Lois and I find out how the Medicaid rate cut affects our jobs. It has been worried about making ends meet, possibly getting a part time job, and even possibly merging household sooner. I have never been without a job and I have been working since I was 16. I just am not sure if merging households is the best thing right now. I need time to find homes for some cats (some of them mine, two of them not). I need time to wrap my head around sharing space permanently sooner than expected. I need time to accept me and the situation completely. I feel that so much has changed in my life. I admit- I'm scared, worried, and just not sure how to accept so much change all at once... much sooner than I had planned.
I worry about my best friends.
I worry about my brother.
I worry about finances.
I worry about my animals.
I worry about this month- as its significant for me all the way around.
I worry about being able to find a decent part time job.
I worry that the adoption process hasnt started!
I worry that Kiya will be kicked out of school for her negative behaviors.
I dont worry about my relationship though. I dont worry about my adoptive mom and her love. I dont worry about love in general. I am very happy with the success of my relationship and the personal growth I have made.
My blood sugar dropped today-- so I should worry about that too!
Im not worried about the wedding! LOL
I worry about my best friends.
I worry about my brother.
I worry about finances.
I worry about my animals.
I worry about this month- as its significant for me all the way around.
I worry about being able to find a decent part time job.
I worry that the adoption process hasnt started!
I worry that Kiya will be kicked out of school for her negative behaviors.
I dont worry about my relationship though. I dont worry about my adoptive mom and her love. I dont worry about love in general. I am very happy with the success of my relationship and the personal growth I have made.
My blood sugar dropped today-- so I should worry about that too!
Im not worried about the wedding! LOL
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
More random BS
Nothing really interesting to tell. My mood is down, but I am sure it will perk back up sooner than later.
I made a Mt Dew cake last night. Despite how much I dislike the soda itself, you can smell it (according to Lois) but the cake doesnt taste like it. Sadly enough, mainly for myself and my diabetes, I cant eat just one piece at a sitting... I have to have TWO slices! :) Yeah, I cant think of any other cake I have done that with! Ah hell, its good and moist!
Wedding plans are going fine. We fired one minister and initial DJ. Got another minister from same church (yes, I was polite in my 'dismissal' email!) and a more professional, better communicating DJ that was referred by my daughters teacher. WHY did my daughter invite her teacher to HER wedding! Yes, in the mouth of the baby... the teacher stated that Kiya invited her to HER wedding- details of her dress and all! Cracks me up!
Anyone ever heard of lesbian bed death? Anyone ever experience it? Lesbian or not? And no... dead batteries in a previously used toy do not count! :)
My ex's oldest child has this habit of running away and participating in oppositional and dangerous behaviors on a regular now. Last time she ran away, I didnt know it and actually saw her and talked with her casually to check in. I miss them terribly! It wasnt until after seeing her that her mother calls me to tell me she ran away. I have asked her mother to inform me when she runs because I often see her when she has ran away and dont know that she has ran away, so shes just out there! This time, I was able to go and get her. We talked while waiting on her mother to get home from work. Afterwards, I proceeded with her and her mother to the psychiatric hospital for the second time (far as I know) in the last 3-4 weeks. My experience there was... interesting. Im not sure that would be the correct place for me in a suicidal moment, so I assume that other adults go there for other reasons! Only one person showed up in handcuffs and that was very interesting. Thankfully, soon thereafter, the ex gave me keys and money to get me some dinner! LOL
My favorite feline boyfriend was euthanized last week. It still upsets me what has happenned and the non-compassion of some people that work in the shelters and vet offices. Very disturbing! The only comfort I have is knowing that we currently have his two brothers until we can find them good homes or something else better (which is in the works) happens over the next year.
We have connected to a realtor to help us get a house next Fall. Exciting! I am so tired of apartment/townhouse living and ready to have a house and a yard! I find myself looking online at properties regularly.
The state is fucking around with my job! I am good until the new year at least... but hopefully I know more about the plan as time gets closer. What the hell is the state going to do if they dont provide support services to the 30000+ people in the state that utilize the services my company offers! WTF? I guess they havent thought that far... which is normal for our state government!
Lois has her wedding dress! YAY! I am getting my undergarment thingy this week and taking my dress to be altered next week! I cant believe the wedding is just a little over 5 months away!
Overall, things arent too terribly bad. I just have had some upsetting and stressful moments regularly the last few weeks.
I am surviving!
I made a Mt Dew cake last night. Despite how much I dislike the soda itself, you can smell it (according to Lois) but the cake doesnt taste like it. Sadly enough, mainly for myself and my diabetes, I cant eat just one piece at a sitting... I have to have TWO slices! :) Yeah, I cant think of any other cake I have done that with! Ah hell, its good and moist!
Wedding plans are going fine. We fired one minister and initial DJ. Got another minister from same church (yes, I was polite in my 'dismissal' email!) and a more professional, better communicating DJ that was referred by my daughters teacher. WHY did my daughter invite her teacher to HER wedding! Yes, in the mouth of the baby... the teacher stated that Kiya invited her to HER wedding- details of her dress and all! Cracks me up!
Anyone ever heard of lesbian bed death? Anyone ever experience it? Lesbian or not? And no... dead batteries in a previously used toy do not count! :)
My ex's oldest child has this habit of running away and participating in oppositional and dangerous behaviors on a regular now. Last time she ran away, I didnt know it and actually saw her and talked with her casually to check in. I miss them terribly! It wasnt until after seeing her that her mother calls me to tell me she ran away. I have asked her mother to inform me when she runs because I often see her when she has ran away and dont know that she has ran away, so shes just out there! This time, I was able to go and get her. We talked while waiting on her mother to get home from work. Afterwards, I proceeded with her and her mother to the psychiatric hospital for the second time (far as I know) in the last 3-4 weeks. My experience there was... interesting. Im not sure that would be the correct place for me in a suicidal moment, so I assume that other adults go there for other reasons! Only one person showed up in handcuffs and that was very interesting. Thankfully, soon thereafter, the ex gave me keys and money to get me some dinner! LOL
My favorite feline boyfriend was euthanized last week. It still upsets me what has happenned and the non-compassion of some people that work in the shelters and vet offices. Very disturbing! The only comfort I have is knowing that we currently have his two brothers until we can find them good homes or something else better (which is in the works) happens over the next year.
We have connected to a realtor to help us get a house next Fall. Exciting! I am so tired of apartment/townhouse living and ready to have a house and a yard! I find myself looking online at properties regularly.
The state is fucking around with my job! I am good until the new year at least... but hopefully I know more about the plan as time gets closer. What the hell is the state going to do if they dont provide support services to the 30000+ people in the state that utilize the services my company offers! WTF? I guess they havent thought that far... which is normal for our state government!
Lois has her wedding dress! YAY! I am getting my undergarment thingy this week and taking my dress to be altered next week! I cant believe the wedding is just a little over 5 months away!
Overall, things arent too terribly bad. I just have had some upsetting and stressful moments regularly the last few weeks.
I am surviving!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Two years ago, 9/11/2007
Today is the two year anniversary that my latest two foster children came into my life. Though the challenges have been tough at times, I am glad they are here to stay and not leaving. I was told they would be here only about 6 months... and here we are two years later!
I love my kids! Issues and all! I wouldnt trade any of them for anything!
I love my kids! Issues and all! I wouldnt trade any of them for anything!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Wedding update
Things have been pretty quiet in my life lately-- except for an emergency vet visit that cost me $373 and a possible visit by CPS after some early morning drama at mi casa! Other than that, life is grand. The gist of it is, my therapist and I agree that my meds are DEFINATELY working! I didnt really lose my temper at all- not much at least... stress was high due to other reasons though!
We decided on where to have the reception for the wedding and waiting to confirm space for ceremony. Minister has been obtained and waiting to hear if she will do ceremony away from the church and any pre-maritial pre-reqs we may have to endure. Counseling is always a good thing- especially when if affects my future.
I got an estimate on my wedding gown alterations! $65 for alterations and $25 for steaming and spot cleaning! Pretty Cool! I'm excited that its not costing me a lot of extra moolah!
Financially, its amazing at how much things for the wedding add up! Goodness! We have a plan and a budget, so I think things will be fine. My anxiety is up when I think about certain things, but overall, I think it will be fine.
Guest list is looking ok- nothing special- just guessing who is coming for catering estimate.
Photographer secured.
Cake secured.
Catering and reception secured.
Idea for music instead of DJ formulated! Gotta save money some where!
Still working on bridal party stuff.
If my future mother in law brings one more homemade craft for the wedding near me, I may actually scream... literally SCREAM! Lets just say that she acts in a manner as if we were getting married next month. We have damn near SIX more months.
Plane tickets arent any cheaper! Hopefully they will between now and March! Preferably after tax refund is returned!
Wedding woes and jitters!
Anyone have any special skills they want to contribute? :)
We decided on where to have the reception for the wedding and waiting to confirm space for ceremony. Minister has been obtained and waiting to hear if she will do ceremony away from the church and any pre-maritial pre-reqs we may have to endure. Counseling is always a good thing- especially when if affects my future.
I got an estimate on my wedding gown alterations! $65 for alterations and $25 for steaming and spot cleaning! Pretty Cool! I'm excited that its not costing me a lot of extra moolah!
Financially, its amazing at how much things for the wedding add up! Goodness! We have a plan and a budget, so I think things will be fine. My anxiety is up when I think about certain things, but overall, I think it will be fine.
Guest list is looking ok- nothing special- just guessing who is coming for catering estimate.
Photographer secured.
Cake secured.
Catering and reception secured.
Idea for music instead of DJ formulated! Gotta save money some where!
Still working on bridal party stuff.
If my future mother in law brings one more homemade craft for the wedding near me, I may actually scream... literally SCREAM! Lets just say that she acts in a manner as if we were getting married next month. We have damn near SIX more months.
Plane tickets arent any cheaper! Hopefully they will between now and March! Preferably after tax refund is returned!
Wedding woes and jitters!
Anyone have any special skills they want to contribute? :)
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