On the upswing of things

I had a teary breakdown at work one day last week- Wednesday, I think. Work has been stressing me more and more as time moves on. I have two mini vacations coming up this month- one to the mountains and another to the beach (if I go). I just know I need a break from work and FAST. I talked to two of the managers in tears, one of them my immediate supervisor. Of course, neither want me to leave the company. Honestly, I dont want to leave the company either. Its not about the money, although I am pretty certain no other company will match my salary. Its about feeling like I am helping others. Yes, my consumers can stress me... and the one that led me to tears makes me want to kick her ass on a regular basis! Ugh! Its also my committment to my consumers and my co-workers. I am one of few that is content with the workplace most of the time. Some of my tears are the reality of what I feel as a result of my immediate supervisor moving to Seattle... and feeling like the other important managers are not as supportive, are not available, and are just a bunch of judgemental individuals whos main concern is making the money for the budget. Yes, I need a break and my immediate supervisor agrees!

As I said, TWO vacations comuing up, and possibly a third. The mountains is a sure thing, but the beach, it all depends on how I am feeling and whats going on in my world. I may be possibly preparing to move Mid August, so vacationing and spending would have to be limited so that I can afford movers. I am so certain that my friends are so tired of moving me every time. I do know that this next place, I will be in for a few years, at least. If I decide to go for it. Im not certain as to move to this place as I need to make some phone calls to make sure some important things arent screwed up or too painfully expensive to redo with a minor address change. I should have a more definate answer within the next few days.

The kids are doing great! We spent some time in the pool this weekend and they loved it. Especially my daughter. She loves the water, and I hope she continues to develop the fondness I have as well. Im pulling her out of daycare for three weeks to save some money, so hopefully her Grandma L will keep her in the pool and teach her how to not be so timid.

I was very appreciative of the recent three day weekend. I will admit, I didnt think of Fourth of July except for another day off. I know some of you may frown upon that, but I dont get with the patriotic bullshit that goes on for holidays. Why must it be known on specific days? Why cant our country celebrate on unrelated days, just because? I'm not into politics as some of my friends and family, so why fake the interest? I am who I am and I make my own decisions based on my own beliefs, not the beliefs and opinions of others. Yes, I know the Pledge of Allegiance, Star Spangled Banner, but I just dont feel the connection like others do and I really dont care to feel it. My life is what it is and it doesnt involve many of the theories/concepts of our current government. Most of it scares me, but I try to not dwell on the fear itself.

I have a good friend staying with me this month. Shes a really good friend and has been there for me more than she realizes. She had something major go on and it forced her to move immediately. Being how I have a HUGE heart and dont like to see many go without if I can help it. My home is always open to my true friends and I hope they know that. I know my best friend knows it as she has lived with me twice, once by choice and the latest, by circumstance. The last time, she called and told me to simply come get her... no questions asked. It was 2:12am, and I knew it was major. I didnt realize how major until I saw her apartment burnt to the core. It was awful. Just seeing that affected my life in numerous ways. Its been nice having someone around lately. My house has been pretty quiet still, and we do our own thing, but we share meals and she helps with the children on occasion. She's actually moving to an apartment in my complex and we are both looking forward to that. I never would have thought that our friendship would become as close as it has over the last year and a half.

Went to the psychiatric PA last week. Told her about my recent depressive episodes. Nothing major, but we agree to do one increase in my meds with the option of a second increase if I see its needed. So far so good with the increase. My diabetes is doing MUCH better! Increasing the Metformin to 1500mgs to see what happens. I am testing between 127-169 fasting each morning. FNP said she would be content if I was at 110 in the mornings. So, still working on the diabetes. Tried injecting insulin through another part of my body this weekend. All I can say is... IT HURT! But I kept the needle going and have done it every day the last few days. Tonight, I had to inject twice (my insulin is in a prefilled pen and I had to finish a pen and start another to get my full dose in) and I did ok with double needle sticks.

I feel better. Not sure if its the meds or if its because I will have someone around the next few weeks... or is it because I just had a 3day weekend and vacation right around the corner. Whatever the reason, Im appreciative for it.

My daughter gets evaluated for occupational therapy tomorrow as well as gets her orthotics for her shoes. Her ballet recital is Friday as well. Will be an interesting day for us. I love that little one and eventhough she tested my patience several times last week, we had a good weekend together. I try to be more patient. I still think she has some disconnect mentally. Knowing her family, I wouldnt doubt it. I just continue to look at the symptoms and will get her tested when I feel the time is right.

My newest tv favorite (despite my recent comment on politics) is Army Wives. I try to watch it every Sunday. How ironic!